Trying
by Forgelove
Summary: Carrying on after the war is hard for everybody but especially for one person. (complete)
1. Chapter 1

**I have been wanting to write this for ages. I always thought the aftermath of Fred's death needed to be explored more. I would really appreciate all reviews to let me know what you think. I will try and update this as reguarly as possible.**

**Disclaimer**

**I don't own anything.**

**Chapter 1:**

They say as you get older that you drift apart from your childhood friends. They also say that as you get older you grow closer to your family. I want to meet these people and ask them what makes them so certain this is true. As usual it seems Freddie and I are an exception to the rule. We never drifted apart and we have always been close. I'm not saying he was perfect or that we never argued. What I am saying is, I miss him. I miss him all the time...

I don't really know how to function without him. If I am totally honest I don't know how to exist without him because I've never had to.

Some twins say they wish they had some time alone so they could discover who they were outside of being a twin. They should be careful what they wish for. Freddie and I have never wanted that, we knew who we were. We functioned best together, the only time anything bad has happened to us was when we were apart.

I know the rest of my family miss him too but it's not the same. When Fre...he first died mum couldn't even stand to look at me or be anywhere near me. All she saw every time she looked at me was her dead son. I was a constant reminder of what she could never have back. She worked hard to never let me see it but it was obvious. That has passed now but sometimes I still catch flickers of those thoughts in her eyes.

I suppose I need to go down and eat mum doesn't like us being out her sight too long. I often wonder if its for me or so she can sometimes pretend like he's still here.

I heaved myself off the bed and moved towards the kitchen. The smell of food makes my stomach churn slightly. I feel a strong searing pain in my ear, well the space where my ear used to be. It started hurting like this when Freddie died. It serves as a constant reminder of what I've lost , a constant reminder of the part of me that isn't there anymore. I wonder if dark curses can work that way. I suppose they can given all that stuff with Harry and Voldemort. I don't see the point in calling him You Know Who anymore I've nothing to fear now, it has already happened.

I stand and watch my family for a moment. In that moment they look normal, like nothing has happened. Sometimes it seems like they are starting to move on. I think I even heard mum laughing the other day.

I do want my family to be happy I just don't know how things can ever be even okay again never mind fine.

"Ah George dear about time sit yourself down dinner is almost ready," mum said when she saw me lingering at the door.

I nodded slightly sitting down. I hardly even notice as mum sets a plate of food in front of me. "There you are dear. You really need to eat love. I never thought I'd need to say that to you boys," she said with a mix of teasing and concern.

I offer her a tired smile. I try to eat but I just I can't...I go to speak several times throughout the meal but stop myself because he's not here to hear what I have to say. The intensity of it slams into me again with a terrifying force. I run from the table getting to the toilet just in time. I groan as I bring up nothing but bile there's not enough food in my stomach for anything else. I sit on the floor a moment listening to the voices coming from the kitchen.

"Bloody hell..."

"Should we go check on him?"

"No dear best leave him be for now"

"This is the third time this week we need to do something he can't go on like this. He looks awful. He hardly sleeps.."

"When he does he wakes up screaming...I hear him at night but dunno if I should go in or not"

"He never eats either."

"We need to do something."

"What can we do? There isn't much we can do is there? We know what's wrong. We know what would make this right. We just we can't give him that...he's gone we need to try and accept it"

Hearing those words forced another round of agonizing dry heaves.

"He needs help running the store. He can't keep trying to run it himself. He simply cannot carry on like this. I am going to speak to him."

I run into mum on my way back into the kitchen. "I think we need to talk dear," she said passing me a glass of water which I took eagerly from her taking a long drink and tried to stop my hands shaking too much.

"We don't need to talk alright. There is nothing to talk about. I'm sorry to ruin the dinner but I'm not hungry okay," I yelled turning to leave the room.

"F...George get back here this instant!" My mother yelled barley missing a beat,

The silence in the kitchen spoke volumes. Everyone knew what she had been about to say. The silence screamed deafeningly in their ears. Nobody knew what to do or say...

I could hardly speak lots of different answers exploded inside my head but I couldn't find the energy to voice them. I suddenly felt just too tired. "That isn't going to happen," I said coldly fighting back the tears as I got out the kitchen. I ignored my mother's pleading and apologies I had to get out of there. I couldn't stand to be around them anymore. I couldn't talk to any of them. The only person I wanted to talk to wasn't here anymore.

As I ran back up into our room, yes it is still our room! It nearly killed me when mum and dad moved his stuff out our room. I couldn't stand it, it just didn't seem right. It seemed so terrifyingly final...he really wasn't coming back. I lay on my bed staring at the spot in the room where his bed used to be and glanced round the room at where all his things used to be.

"_We need to do this now he will be home soon."_

"_I...I know, I just oh Arthur I just can't bear myself to do this. He just, he just can't be gone," _

"_I know. I miss him all the time. There are so many things I see things that remind me of him or things that I want to tell him that I remember I can't because he's not here. Sometimes it feels like I lose him all over again."_

"_I know sometimes I...I shouldn't even be saying this but..."_

"_No, I know what you are going to say but do not say it, do not!"_

_Ron jumped up the second I came in. I looked carefully at him he looked chalk white and his eyes were watering. "Hey George. You want to hangout a while maybe fly our broomsticks about outside a bit, or, or maybe go out for a few drinks, you know butterbeers I mean. Or maybe.."_

_I stared at him a moment. Ron was always terrible at thinking on the spot when he got caught doing something he shouldn't. Freddie and I stopped using him as our look out or involving him in our pranks years ago. We worked better when it was just us, we just never realised just how true that was._

"_What is going on Ron?" I asked suspiciously._

"_No...nothing why would something be going on?" he demanded. I watched the tips of his ears going bright red. I swear he really is the worst liar._

"_Ron! What is going on, tell me right now!" I retorted anger seeping into my voice. I felt so angry all the time now it was hard to keep it all down._

_Before Ron has the chance to stutter some more and make it even clearer he was hiding something I heard voices coming from upstairs. I quickly pulled my wand out._

"_George!" Ron bellowed heading towards me trying to tackle my wand off me to stop me apparating into my room. I was too fast for him the idiot had left his wand in his room again. Even if he did have his wand he didn't stand a chance._

"_What are you doing?" I yelled. I was greeted with the sight of my parents in tears as they waved their wants to remove the remainder of Freddie's stuff from our room. _

"_George dear, we have to do this. It's not healthy to be around his stuff. It needed to be done." My mother said through her tears._

_I raised my wand not even sure what I was planning to do but I had to do something. I had to stop them doing this. The empty space where his bed was and the empty spaces where his things used to be hurt too much. This was wrong I had to do something to stop this. _

"_Expelliarmus!" my father cried. Before I even had the chance to think of a spell to make this stop my wand flew out my hand. If I had known my parents would have been as cruel as to remove his things I would have used a permanent sticking charm on his things. I just never thought I'd need it. _

"_No!" I bellowed as my mother continued to move the last of my brother's things from our room. I tried to get back to my wand to stop my mother from doing this. I fell suddenly to the floor as my father's Jelly-Legs Jinx hit me full force rendering me immobile. It didn't stop me yelling at them to stop this. Tears steamed down my face soaking my hair and carpet as the last of Freddie's possessions were removed from our room. _

"_I'm sorry son," my father whispered tears falling as he preformed the counter-jinx on me allowing me to get up again. Although at the moment I wasn't confident I could._

_My mother tried to come towards me to hug me. "No leave me alone just leave me alone!" I yelled through my tears I just couldn't be round them._

"_George please you need to understand," my mother sobbed._

"_Perhaps it's best if we leave him be for now Molly," my dad said gently as he put a trembling arm around my mum leading her from the room. I knew this was hard for them too but they just didn't understand._

"_I've never seen him so aggressive Arthur What do we do?" my mother's voice reached my ears as they went downstairs._

"_I know. I think we just need to give him some time. It's a big adjustment for him, for all of us. He just needs some time," he said quietly to her._

_Time? What difference was time going to make? Time wasn't going to make this change._

_He wasn't coming back. The space where his stuff used to be was a glaring symbol of that. The pain in the space where my ear used to be reached searing levels as I lay on the floor unable to move._

_Where was he? How could he leave me like this? I needed him..._

I eventually raise my wand towards the door and mutter "Colloportus," hearing the slightly slight click as the door locked itself.

I sighed as I heard someone outside my door trying to get in. "Come on George please let me in," Ginny pleaded.

I sighed forcing myself not to take this out on her. "Just leave me alone Ginny please," I said evenly.

There was silence for a moment. I thought she had taken the hint and gone but she spoke again. "Look mum is devastated. She never meant to, oh George it's horrible we all miss him too. I know it must be harder for you. We all want to help you, help each other through this. Please let us face this as a family. We need to be a family now more than ever," Ginny pleaded her voice catching many times throughout her speech.

I knew what she was saying was true. I just I couldn't take this just now. "Please just leave me alone just now Ginny. I'm sorry,"

"Come back soon George, please. We need you," Ginny said tearfully before running downstairs.

There is a way I could make this stop. It seemed the perfect solution. The only thing stopping me from doing it was I didn't know if I could bring myself to totally forget him. It seemed a horrible betrayal to him. He would understand wouldn't he? Freddie always understood me.

"You would understand wouldn't you Freddie? You know it's nothing personal. I just...I miss you too much. I'm sorry Freddie. I love you," I whispered to him.

Even although I am pretty sure he would understand I still can't bring myself to do it quite yet. I can't say bye to him again. Not yet. I can't bring myself to forget everything just yet.

I grip my wand tightly in my hand but eventually threw it across the room. I couldn't, not yet.

One word could make all this go away. It was just going to take me some time to do it. It was just one word and it would all stop all this pain. All the pain would be over until I died and could be with Freddie again.

Obliviate...one word and all this pain could stop.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two:**

**I know this is a little out of sequence but I felt that Fred's funeral had to be written. I apoligise that it's shorter and seems a little out of place. The actual thread of the story will continue after this chapter. I would really like to know what everyone thinks of this so please drop me a review! Thank you!**

**Disclaimer:**

**I still own nothing I just like to borrow mainly the twins for a while!**

I can feel everybody's eyes on me. I am not sure if everyone is watching me because I look like the person they are here to say goodbye to, or because they feel sorry for me. I am sitting in my dress robes surrounded by my family. Mum wanted to buy everyone new robes for today but I refused. Freddie wouldn't want money to be spent on dress robes. He believed money should be spent on things that were fun. I also felt it wouldn't be right. I thought our old robes were part of who we are and that's what we should wear. I couldn't explain the reasoning behind this it just made sense to me. I felt it was somehow was what Freddie would want and that's what mattered most.

I still can't quite believe I'm sitting at Freddie's funeral. Ever since it happened I keep thinking he will come back any second. I kept hoping this was his biggest prank yet. "Joke's over now Freddie, please come back..."

I can hear my mum crying and my dad trying to comfort her. I still can't believe this is happening. I don't know why but this makes it seem all the more real. I didn't even fully accept what had happened when I saw him lying there. I kept thinking he would be fine. There was no way he could be gone. There is no way he could leave me! It was here sitting at his funeral that the horrific cruel reality hit. He was never coming back. He had left me.

I felt bitterly cold at this realisation. I could feel myself shaking horridly regardless of trying to control it. I winces as agony seared through the space where my left ear used to be. Ginny looked at me in concern. I hated causing her anymore upset but I couldn't think of a single comforting thing to say her.

I cast my eyes round the field and see it vastly filling up with people here to say their final goodbye to Freddie. I silently note all the other people that are not here that should be. There is so much hurt and pain contained in this area. I wonder if Freddie is here somewhere.

"Freddie?" I ask silently again. Why wont he answer me? Why is he ignoring me? "Freddie?" I ask again not even aware I've spoken aloud until I feel concerned eyes on me. My mother's tears near deafen me. "Sorry," uttered.

I hardly notice the string of people coming up to us to offer their condolences. I know they mean well and their condolences are sincere but somehow they all seem so cold and empty. I don't see the point of saying sorry. I look up slightly and catch Harry's eye something in his look tells me he gets it. I don't know how to let him know how grateful I am to him in that moment. I just don't know how to voice it. It doesn't look like I have to worry about saying anything. Harry is a little too busy providing support to Ron and Ginny who are more able to accept comfort from other people. I am glad they can get the help they need. People have tried to help me but nothing helps in some ways it makes it worse. I am still so grateful to Harry in that second even if I don't know how to say it.

A silence descends over the field as the service begins. I bite my lip as the music began to play it was a song Freddie sang all the time. He didn't care how many times I slagged his awful singing voice for it. I could hear a few tearful laughs from my family and one that I think is Lee or Oliver. As the song fades out and the slow mournful music begins the sky begins to light up as we raise our lit wands to the sky for Freddie. I can feel my arm trembling as I hold the light of my wand up to the sky searching frantically for my brother. I look up desperately and am dazzled by the number of lights up in in the sky for Freddie, he deserved everyone of them.

I keep waiting to hear him talk to me. People who have been trying to offer me comfort try to tell me that Freddie hasn't really left me, that he is still with me. If that's true he's keeping very quiet about it no matter how loud I shout for him. I am hit by a terrifying thought, is Freddie up there alone? Is he feeling the way I do right now? I want him to be happy but I am terrified of him being able to move on from me.

"Are you alone Freddie? Are you okay? Please answer me..."

We had agreed my father would be the one to make the speech about Freddie. I watched as he went to stand before the crowd. He spoke about how good a person Fred was and how much he was going to be missed. I could feel tears streaming down my face as my father sobbed struggling to get the words out. The sounds of crying echoed round me it seemed the opposite of everything that Freddie stood for. He had even died with a smile on his lips yet now he was being parted with tears. It seemed so wrong and yet so right at the same time.

There was a silence as my father sat down. I don't remember getting up but I found myself facing the crowd. My brothers looked ready to come up and get me to sit down but Harry shook his head slightly at them. Harry understood there was something I had to say.

"I know looking at me up here can't be easy for any of you. If I am honest I don't know how my mum, dad or brothers and sister look at me at all. I can't stand to look at myself. All I see when I look at myself is Fred. I don't know how any of you can look at me. I didn't even look in the mirror this morning before coming to Fred's funeral. Sorry buddy. I'm sorry I left you alone. I'm sorry I wasn't right by your side. I'm sorry I'm still so angry at you for being gone. I'm sorry that I don't know how to say goodbye to you. "

I pull out a handful of our firework products setting them off into the night sky watching the W take shape in the air.

I don't notice the wands lighting up the sky again as the W faded. I feel a touch on my shoulder. "Freddie?" I utter hope surging through me. I feel my chest constrict as I rest my eyes on Charlie's crumpled face as he leads me back to our family.

I can hardly remain standing as I watch Freddie's body being lowered into the ground. He's dead. My brother and best friend is dead. I groan slightly as the agony in my ear reaches unbearable levels.

I feel Charlie's arm round me as he leads me back to the burrow with our family and close friends. He eases me into a chair

"Take this it will help," he said pouring me a large glass of Firewhisky.

"Thanks," I utter taking a long pull from the glass wincing at the bitter taste.

"Any time," Charlie says pouring himself an equally healthy measure.

I can see my mum moving to disapprove but my dad shakes his head stopping her from approaching me.

I realise as I take another sip from the glass the Freddie had never tried Firewhisky. I had never tried it before today.

Freddie never would try Firewhisky. He wouldn't do anything new, I would do things without him. The thought was too horrible I took another long drink barely noticing as my brother took out his wand refilling my glass. I was getting used to the taste now, it wasn't that bad really. I kept drinking from the glass searching for the euphoria and oblivion I'd seen it offer others.

It was hours later that someone removed the glass from my hand and helped me towards the stairs. I tried to focus my eyes on the figure helping me to stand up.

"Wait need water," I got our, or at least I tried to get out forming words was becoming increasingly difficult.

"Alright, lets get you upstairs then I'll bring some up to you okay?" a voice asked me. I force my eyes open more as I realise who it is.

"No, I want to come, got to go to the kitchen," I say urgently. I can't explain it, I just know I need to be in the kitchen. I speak quietly but urgently so nobody notices the disturbance.

"Okay, come on," the voice says quietly leading me into the kitchen. He helps me sit down as he goes to get me a glass of water. I cast my eyes unseeingly round the kitchen until they fall onto the clock. I stagger to my feet moving towards it. I reach out towards Freddie's hand which is over mine. As I move my hand closer to the clock Freddie's hand falls off into my open palm. I clasp my fingers round it tightly.

Harry gently guides me upstairs, the glass of water lay forgotten on the kitchen table. "Thank you Harry," I mumble as he helps me lay on my bed putting a blanket over me.

"Don't thank me George. I know some of what you are feeling," he said quickly as he raised his wand to darken the room. This is the first time I believe somebody who has said that to me.

I grasp Freddie's hand as I fall asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**Thank you for the reviews please keep them coming I really want to know what you think about the story. There is a slight POV change at the start of this chapter. The story is starting to take off from this chapter. Hope you enjoy and again please review it would mean so much to me! Thank you!**

**Disclaimer:**

**I still own nothing!**

Ron sighed as he woke up from an uneasy sleep. He was no longer jerked awake from the horrific sounds from his brother's room, he found he went to sleep subconsciously listening out for it. He wasn't sure why, when he heard George's cries he never went into him. He didn't know what to say and he knew he wasn't the brother he wanted.

He missed Fred too, it was a horrible ache that never fully went away. He couldn't shake the image of seeing his brother lying there like that, so still and pale. He still couldn't quite believe that he would never speak to his brother again. The most frightening thing about all of this was George. It was horrible seeing him like this and he had no idea what to do to help him, none of his family did, that was the problem.

He knew his mum and dad had made the right choice when they insisted George moved back home after Fred died, they said family needed to stick together to get through this time. He knew that was true but he also knew there was a deeper reason why. They were worried about leaving George alone. His mum and dad along with the rest of his family never voiced what they worried George would do. He had fought to be left alone to be allowed back to their home but now he didn't show any interest in moving back. Ron had a feeling it would be too hard for him. He was still amazed that he managed to keep running Weasley Wizard Wheezes.

He sighed as he heard the awful sounds from his brother's room intensify again. He pushed back the covers he couldn't leave him alone, that was the problem people kept leaving him alone. It couldn't be good for him. Could it? Why was he so bad at these situations. Where was Hermione when you needed her? She always knew what to do. He forced himself to push her from his thoughts. He couldn't think about her and how happy she made him feel, not right now. He couldn't feel this happy about his love life when something so awful was happening, or had happened.

He opened the door to his brother's room, the sight was horrible. His brother thrashed horribly in bed, his hair matted to his pale face. He moved towards him. he had to wake him though he knew the reality was unlikely to be much better than his nightmares but at least if he was awake he could try to somehow help him.

"George, George! Wake up!" Ron said shaking his brother's shoulder. He was starting to get desperate as it took a long time to get his brother wake up.

"No, no!" he yelled urgently his eyes darting frantically round the darkened room. "Freddie! Freddie!" he yelled still not fully awake as he tried to get up from the bed.

"George, it's me, it's me Ron," he said.

"No, I...I need to..." as he trailed off Ron could see he was starting to waken up.

"You want to talk about it?" Ron asked carefully. Why was he so bad at these situations?

He wasn't sure if he should be glad when George shook his head.

"Are you sure maybe it would help or something? I dunno?" Ron ventured.

"Not much I can say. It's the same thing every night. Well not really the same thing but you know," he said shakily.

Ron looked at his brother helplessly. It was awful to see him so lost for words and so unsure of himself. Perhaps even more disturbingly it was scary to see him without Fred. "You mean Fre..." he began blundering.

"Yes! Leave it alright!" he snapped cutting him off ignoring his helpless stares,

"Hey what's that?" Ron asked noting something in George's tightly bound fist.

George glanced down at it. "Fred's hand, I'm holding Fred's hand," he said tightening his grip.

"What? What the bloody hell are you talking about mate?" Ron asked. He was becoming even more worried about his brother as this conversation progressed and he still had no idea what to do about it.

0000

_It is utter chaos round me yet in that second everything become frighteningly clear. I shove past the swarms of people. I fire hexes and spells at people as I go to get them out the way. I see my family standing in a circle. Well not all of my family. Where is Fred? Where is he? Even as I am internally asking the question I already know the answer._

"_George no," Charlie said moving quickly towards me trying to hold me back._

"_Let me past! Where is he? Let me see him!" I yelled._

"_George no, I really don't think it's the best idea. I'm so sorry George," he said through his tears. _

_The sound of my family crying and other sounds round me began to fade out as the reality of what had happened began to hit home. I feel my legs beginning to buckle but I push Charlie's supportive arm off me I have to get to him._

_I force past my family to get to Freddie. He is lying there totally still. I crouch down beside him taking him into my arms. "Freddie? Freddie, wake up," I pull him into my arms. He can't be dead he can't be. I feel his cold body in my trembling arms. "Don't do this Freddie. Please don't leave me you can't. I need you," I plead over and over. I hold him close to me trying to whisper words of comfort to him. Why couldn't he have waited for me to say goodbye. He couldn't be gone...he couldn't. I held him tighter to me._

"_George, come on we have to let him go now," Charlie said as he tried to move me._

"_Get away from me! I can't leave him! I snapped._

"_George don't make this worse. We need to let him go," he tried to reason._

_I fought hard against my brother but eventually I was pulled back as my father took Freddie into his arms moving him away from me..._

As I started to come round more I become aware of Ron sitting by my bed staring at me like I'm about to explode any second. "What?" I finally ask him. The nightmare couldn't be that much of a shock, could it? It had to be pretty obvious what I dreamt about.

"You, you eh said something about, I dunno about holding Fred's hand?" he asked looking at me like he thought I had lost it completely.

I glance down at my tightly grasped fist and nodded. I slowly uncurl my fingers slightly and show him Freddie's hand. I had been sleeping with it every night for months but I never told anyone. It felt like a secret connection that only I had with him and I wanted to savour that.

"Look Ron, I'm sorry if I woke you but you can go back to bed now," I said after a bit.

Ron stared at me before shaking his head. "Look George, you can't carry on like this," he tried feebly.

"Ron just leave me alone alright," I said evenly. I really didn't want to get into this especially right now.

"No! I can't leave you alone anymore alright! This has to stop! I know it's hard! We all miss him too. You're not the only one that lost him George," Ron snapped.

"I know! I know! I know this isn't easy for any of you. I know that but you don't understand. It's not the same. I know you all think it's the same but it's not," I said at last.

"I...I know it's hard George. I know you and Fred were well...I know...but like mum and dad said we need to try and help each other through this.

"It's...you don't understand. None of you do," I answered as I ran a shaking hand through my hair.

"Then help us George. Help us understand then. You need to stop shutting us out. We don't know what to do anymore," Ron said his voice rising.

"That's the problem none of you understand. Stop shouting you are going to wake up mum," I hissed.

"Too late I'm already awake. Ron go back to bed I want to talk to George alone," mum said gently but firmly steering him from the room.

"Mum sorry we woke you it's nothing just go back to bed," I tried.

"No George. Ron is right. We need to talk come on lets go downstairs I'll make us some hot chocolate," she said in a gentle tone, yet something in it advised me not to try and argue with her. I sighed as I got up pulling my faded robe on and followed her downstairs.

My mum sat down across from me setting a steaming cup down. "drink it, it will do you good. You are looking far too thin," she scolded.

I thank her and an obliging sip while waving away her comment about my weight.

"You have to let us help you George. You are going to make yourself ill. I cannot lose another child. I cannot do not ask it of me. I know this is hard but this isn't what Fred would want. You never smile or laugh I can't remember the last time you made a joke. I know it is hard but you need to try to move on," she said gently.

"I can't, it just, it doesn't seem right to even try and move on while Fred is gone. I don't know how to move on without him. I don't know how to exist without him," I blurt out.

"I know love but we have to try. Many others have experienced horrible losses as well. We have to try to move on. Living our lives again does not mean that we have forgotten Fred or are any less sad that he has gone," she said.

I know what she is saying is right but she still doesn't understand. I don't know how to exist without Freddie I am not whole without him. I am not fully me. I know it is natural to feel that way during grief but this feels more than that.

"Maybe it's time I went back home," I said at last.

My mum shakes her head. "I'm not sure if you're ready yet love," she said carefully.

I look at her my resolve strengthening. "I think it is. You said yourself we need to try and move on. I think me going back home is a good way to start doing that," I said. I couldn't imagine trying to live without Freddie but I knew it was what my mum needed to hear.

She looked at me cautiously. "Alright well I suppose so but you must promise to visit regularly and not shut us out. I think it may be a good idea but not right now lets give it a few weeks alright?"

I nodded not sure what else to say or do.

"I also think it is important that you get someone to help you in the shop. You cannot continue trying to run the shop alone," she said.

"I can't hire anyone else. I simply can't," I said urgently. I couldn't stand the thought of someone else working there who wasn't Fred. I couldn't replace him.

My mum looked at me nodding. "I know but in time you will have to but for now Ron has agreed to help out," she said.

"Alright, thank you," I said wearily. "We should get back to bed mum it's late," I said quietly as I got up giving my mum a hug.

She nodded a bit. "I worry about you George. I love you," she said tearfully.

"I love you too. I don't mean to worry you. I'm sorry," I said quietly.

I realised if I wanted my family to stop worrying I had to start seeming like I was coping better but even that seemed like a betrayal to Fred.

I wasn't totally sure quite how the obliviate spell worked. I knew it wiped your memory but I wasn't sure how to make sure I didn't totally forget everything. I often wondered about killing myself so I can be with him. I know my family are worried that is what I'm going to do but I couldn't do that to them.

I need to do some research into this to make sure I do it right. I also need to get ready to say goodbye to Freddie again. I just think this is the only way I can try to exist until I see him again. It scares me too much to think I will never see him again or that he is just gone. I need to think of him somewhere happy.

I eventually head upstairs again to at lest rest a while before getting up for work. I know there is no chance of me sleeping again tonight.

"You're up early dear," my mum comments as I come into the kitchen. The truth is I am usually up at this time or earlier but I avoid coming downstairs because I can't bring myself to try and make conversation.

"I know. I need to get into work early this morning there are some things I need to sort out," I said

"You really should have tried to sleep a little longer dear," mum said. She was getting ready to go into one of her lectures until my dad caught her eye silently telling her to lay off.

"I'm alright mum, really and thank you for last night," I said. I made myself eat some breakfast to try and stop her worrying so much before heading out the door.

"George dear!" my mum called before I could apparate.

"What?" I ask looking at her.

"Don't forget our agreement about Ron helping you out at the store for a while," she said.

"I know mum I wont. That is partly why I am going in early today. I want to get things sorted so I can spend some time showing him what to do," I said.

"Alright, I'll see you this evening," my mum said waving me off.

I kiss her cheek and say goodbye before apparating into Diagon Alley. I don't like lying to my mum. Well I guess that's not strictly true Freddie and I used to keep things from her all the time. I am not technically lying to her, just omitting the full truth. I was going into work early to try and organise it so I could try and teach Ron how to fully run the store. It was vital he knew how to ensure the store was ran properly and efficiently just incase the spell didn't work right. I needed h business to be a success. I didn't want to forget how to run the business. I wanted the business to flourish..for Freddie.

I was in Diagon early early so I could visit Flourish and Blotts. I had to find out how to do this spell properly.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**This story is nearly finished only a few more chapters to go. Thank you for the kind reviews and messages for this story. If you are reading this please leave me a review and let me know what you think it would mean a lot. Thank you.**

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"Ron it really isn't that difficult let me show you again," I said as I raised my wand towards some of the stock and waved it towards where it was supposed to be. "It's called a display not a wrecking quarter," I said frustratedly.

"If you're so smart you do it then," Ron yelled.

"I just did, just like I fixed the potions you spilled on the ground I'm sure the smoking will go down soon enough," I said carefully eyeing the cloud of multicoloured smoke that hung thick in the corner that no amount of incantations removed.

"You and Fred made it look so easy," he muttered. It took a second before he looked horrified at what he had said and tried to babble his way out of it. I still don't know what he was saying.

"It was easy, hard work but easy, you care to explain the long string of non words you just poured out?" I asked as I tried another few hopeless incantations at the smoke in the corner. I was hoping I could try and pass it off as part of the décor of the store.

"I just...I know that you don't like to...you...you know," he mumbled his ears turning a brilliant shade of red.,

I paused holding the box of Skiving Snack Boxes closer to myself. It was true I didn't like to think about Freddie because it was too hard but it also unsettled me that everyone felt they couldn't talk about him. He couldn't be forgotten by everyone he couldn't, he was too important...too amazing for that.

My mind wondered to the pile of books I had bought from Flourish and Blotts. I am struggling to find a way to make sure the obliviate spell would only make me forget about Freddie and nothing else but I'm not sure it can be done while I'm still around those who remember him.

I know this makes me no better than those I get mad at for not talking about him round me but it is too hard they just don't understand. I keep telling myself Freddie would understand. I still don't know what to do.

"Ron just serve the customers before you wreck anymore of ou..I mean the store," I raise my wand to open the door and fill the store with light to begin another day of trading. Even if I couldn't finish the word in my head I knew it was true this was our store.

This store was everything Fred and I had ever dreamed of. The hours were long and we worked hard but we were happy. We were able to make a living doing what we loved. The store we said one night was money making proof that what we did worked. The store to put it simply was us.

"I'm going to make some more stock please try not to wreck anything while I'm in the back If you need me yell, I'd rather not come out to find the place in smoke and flames. The once was bad enough," I said almost without thinking.

"When did it happen before and don't try and say it was me. All I did was drop a few potions and it isn't really smoke and it will go away soon," he said evenly.

"No it was when Fred was trying to invent extra hot crisps...he got them so hot smoke and fire came out your mouth so much so it filled the whole store..." I said.

"Really that's cool, where are they?" he asked.

I stiffened. "He...we...we never got to finish them, we never did get them quite right before...you know," I moved quickly into the back letting the door shut loudly behind me. I couldn't take talking about this.

I haven't been able to come up with any new inventions for the store since Freddie died. It felt too much like part of us I couldn't do it alone. I could still see Freddie's guilty expression as he asked if maybe that could be the crisps gimmick as I magicked the smoke away and got him some water. He hadn't given up easily he insisted there was a market for these. He only agreed when I pointed out they wouldn't be likely to buy them again as they near burned a whole in your tongue. We had been planning to come out with a range of different crisps. The ones we had been working on were extra loud and crunchy ones (we planned to sell them with ear muffs) and tongue colour changing crisps (if it could work with sweets why not crisps?)

I need to sit down I take a few deep breaths feeling tears burning in my eyes. This is never going to get any easier. That is why this is my only option. It is too hard being in this store every day I am flooded with memories of him. I need him here. I can't stand this. This shop is too hard to be in it is too much of us...too much Freddie. I can't be here anymore I can't. I have to make that spell work.

"George!" Ron yelled dragging me from my thoughts. I move quickly out into the front shop. I get ready to ask what's happened but the sight before me answers that question for me. A child is trying to hide their hands behind their back which was becoming increasingly difficult as they are growing rapidly in size by the minute. "I don't know what happened one minute they were fine then the next..." he begins urgently before I raise my hand for him to be quiet then tell him to serve the customers at the till before turning my attention back to the witch whose voice is reaching decibels I'm amazed haven't cracked the shop windows.

"I will help you but first of all can you please stop yelling you are disturbing my customers, thank you," I said.

"I will have this place shut down! Never have I seen such practices look at my poor William. He was just looking at your products and now look at him," she said in a quieter tone though all her anger was still clearly audible.

"Your son, activated an anti theft device," I explained simply.

"How dare you my son would never steal!" the mother said indigently.

"Yes he did, the spell only becomes activated when someone attempts to steal from the store," I answered.

"William did you..." she trailed off one look at her son's guilty expression and enormous hands gave her the answer she needed. "You are in so much trouble young man but first how do I remove the spell?" she demanded.

"It wears off on its own in a few hours if it's his first offence. If he has tried stealing before I've been told it takes longer. I answered.

"Er...right thanks...cool trick," Ron said as we watched the mother drag the boy from the store with his hands trailing behind him. We could still hear her yelling as they proceeded down Diagon Alley.

"We found it effective," I answered quietly as I returned to the back of the store.

I hardly got any products made with the amount of interruptions from Ron over the simplest of things. I was seriously stating to doubt he would be able to run the store.

"Yes go I'll be fine, I just need to finish getting some products ready for tomorrow. Tell mum I'll be home late for dinner but not to worry," I said locking the door behind his fast retreating form.

I got to work making the products that were starting to run low. It isn't the same without Freddie here. I bit my lip as I continued to work hardly noticing how dark the room was getting until I could hardly see the finished products.

I leave the store locking it behind me. I find it hard being in the store too long alone. It is all such a strong reminder of Freddie. I miss him so much it hurts. I sigh as I tear my eyes away from the store and head towards home.

I realise as I am walking past Flourish and Blotts that I left the books I bought there this morning in the back shop. I can't quite bring myself to go back and get them. I tell myself it is because I don't want to go back into the shop and be faced with more memories of Freddie. I know deep down it is more than that. I don't trust anybody else to run Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes. I can't let the place go to ruins not after everything it means to Freddie and I. The store is too important to Freddie to let it run at anything less than the success it was when he was still alive. I know that means I need to try and think of some new inventions for the store to keep it fresh but that feels a bit too much for now.

I tell myself I will try and finish the crisp line we were going to start. I just need a little more time. I know deep down time isn't going to change how I feel this isn't getting any easier I just am going to have to eventually have to do it...for Freddie.

I am starting to have a few doubts about the obliviate spell. I don't know how to live like this either missing Freddie so much it hurts. I don't know what to do. Why can't he answer me when I try to speak to him? I need to hear his voice even once. I need some comfort that he is still somehow here. I get nothing...

"Sorry," I said as I bumped into somebody. I was too lost in my thoughts to concentrate on where I was going.

"George? George is that you? Come on lets get a drink," they said.

"No, really I, I need to get going, it, it it was nice to see you," I said trying to get away quickly before it was brought up. I really couldn't take talking about him anymore right now.

"Please George, I really need to talk to you. It's important," they said.

I wanted to refuse but something in their eyes and voice told me they were serious. I nodded as I followed them towards the Three Broomsticks.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chap 5**

**There is only one more chapter left after this one. Thank you everyone for reading can I ask that you please leave me a review I would really like to know what you think of this. Thank you!**

**Disclaimer**

**I still don't own anything.**

I looked at her as we walked into the Three Broomsticks. "What are you wanting to drink?" I asked her. I have to admit the warmth of the pub was welcoming I always seemed to feel cold these days.

"You are not really asking me that are you George Weasley?" she asked shaking her head.

I suppressed a sigh. I really didn't want to be here right now or any time. This was the last person I wanted to be with. I silently cursed myself again for agreeing to come with her. "Alright the usual then," I said evenly.

"Do you really think I'm so selfish to ask you to come with me for a drink then expect you to pay?" she asked shaking her head.

I really can't be here and listen to what she has got to say. Why did I agree to this. I know what she is going to say and I know nothing good will come of it.

"I got you your usual," she said setting a pint of butterbeer in front of me. I thank her taking a sip ignoring the voice in my head that said a large firewhiskey would be better.

I listen to her falling into the same pattern so many people do when they are talking to me these days. They begin by trying to make small talk about any random obscure subject they can think of. The best I think was Uncle Robert's twenty minute soliloquy about the Goblin Wars. The most worrying part about that was I actually listened because even for a second it gave me something else, anything else to focus on. They then touch on something related to Freddie and begin to babble incoherently and turn interesting shades of red or purple. Our Aunt Eva became so distressed steam actually came out her ears. They then try to ask me how I am doing or try to offer comfort or support. This is the part I hate the most. I know they mean well but they are not helping and they do not understand. I do not have the strength to go through this again right now.

"What is it that you want Angelina?" I ask cutting her off before she can get right into the routine.

"I'm not going to offer you sympathies I know you must be sick of them and perhaps even sick of people saying that. I know no one can really understand. I am not going to say anything about it George," she said quietly.

I look at her wondering why she is here. Then I remember she was Freddie's girlfriend something I had got great enjoyment over teasing him about though at times I have to admit I was a little jealous when he had an area of his life that didn't include me. I told myself I was being stupid and immature it wasn't like anything changed between us and I wanted to see him happy.

Was she looking for me to provide her support and comfort about Freddie. Was she expecting me to talk about him to share memories of him because I couldn't do that. I couldn't. She couldn't expect that of me. I suddenly feel horribly warm and the few sips of butterbeer I took were threatening to reappear.

"Excuse me a minute, sorry," I get out as I go quickly to the toilet .I lean over the toilet groaning as the few sips of butterbeer I had reappear. I grip the sides of the toilet as I bring up more bile and stomach acid. I get up shakily wiping my head shaking my sweaty hair out my face. I splash cold water on my face keeping my eyes shut so I don't have to look in the mirror. I sigh and head back out to the bar planning to get this over with as quickly as possible.

"George are you alright you look awful?" Angelina asked concerned filling her eyes and voice as I sat back down.

"Just been a long day, so what was it you were wanting Angelina?" I asked. I was trying not to be rude but I didn't seem to be able to stop myself. I couldn't understand why she was here and what she expected to do. I really didn't have the energy for this. I barely had the energy for anything at the moment. I had to make myself work on a new invention for the shop. I hated myself instantly for thinking that way. I was making it sound like it was something unpleasant that was the opposite of everything Freddie and I worked towards.

"George, are you listening to me?" Angelina asked breaking through my thoughts.

"Sorry I was, sorry what were you saying I'm listening now," I said wishing there was a spell I could put on people to stop them looking at me like that I can't stand it.

"Maybe you should go home try and get some sleep we can do this another night. I'm sorry you're clearly not in the mood tonight," she said.

"No now is fine I'm listening," I said. I was sick of people being so fake around me. Angelina would never have stood for me not listening to her before. I would have got an earful for it now she was talking to me like a child. I couldn't go through this again. I wanted her to tell me what she wanted so we could get this over with.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"Yes," I answered just and no more stopping myself from snapping at her. I can feel a huge headache starting behind my eyes.

Thankfully she seems to take the hint and starts talking again."I miss you George. I haven't seen you in ages. I miss talking to you," she said.

I look at her confused we never really talked that much inside or outside of school. We talked sometimes at quiddich practice or in the common rooms but we were never very close friends. I am about to point this out to her when I am hit with the startling reality of what she was doing.

"George are you sue you are okay? You are looking at me really strangely maybe we should leave this for another time," she said.

"No, I think we need to talk about this now," I said evenly.

"What are you talking about George. I just want to see more of you," she said looking at me in confusion.

"No you don't. You only want to see me because you miss Fred.-" I begin.

"How dare you say that! That is not why I want to see you. I miss Fred of course I do we all do but I do want to see you," she tried to argue but I could see in her eyes even she didn't buy this as the only reason.

"I'm not saying it is the only reason you wanted to see me. I get that you do care about me and sure we were friends but the real reason you wanted to see me was because of Fred," I said bitterly. I can feel the rage burning dangerously inside of me threatening to explode. I don't feel angry for me I feel angry for Freddie.

I don't realise until I begin speaking that I am verbalising these thoughts to Angelina and once I start it becomes impossible to stop. "How can you see Fred as so generic that he is not an individual person and since he is gone? I will work okay as a replacement because we are basically, pretty much the same person. Fred deserves more than that. He is a wonderful amazing unique person who deserves to be known and remembered as much more than just my twin," I said darkly.

"No George that wasn't what I was thinking it wasn't like that," she said weakly.

"Then what was it like?" I demanded looking up silently daring her to meet my eyes.

"I did want to see you. I haven't in a long time I missed you..." she trailed off a moment I could see she knew I wasn't buying her reasoning so I waited her out. "I miss Fred you two are alike I know you are not him but you are like half of him and I guess part of me thought if I spent time with you it might help me not miss him so much," she admitted looking slightly relieved at having confessed.

I feel my fury increasing as she seems to think I can act as a replacement to Freddie. I can't believe how disrespectful and cruel she is being to him. "Fred is an individual person. We are not two of the same person. There are lots of differences between us for example I am better at transfiguration than he is and he was better at charms than I was. I love pickles while Fred hated them. Fred likes much more rock music than me frankly I think he had no taste in music and we had completely different taste in books, don't look so surprised yes we read. That alone shows me how little you really knew us. It shows how little you knew Fred and how little you care to think he can be replaced so easily he deserves more than that," I hissed.

"George I'm sorry I...it wasn't I know that , I didn't mean...2" she trailed off as each of her platitudes of apologies trailed off before they were even fully formed.

"Just leave it Angelina. I'll maybe see you later," I said needing to be away form her as fast as possible. I couldn't be around her and how she treated Freddie for another second. Even as I said the words I knew I was lying. I knew I would never see her again. I walk out the pub quickly blocking out her attempts to apologise and decelerations of what she thought of Freddie. I'm not saying that she was being cruel on purpose but what she had done was unforgivable.

I squeeze Freddie's hand of the clock tight as I stand outside the pub before apparating into the burrow.

"George thank goodness you are home. Sit yourself down dear and I'll get you some dinner. Ron tells me he wasn't the best help in the shop today. That isn't why you are so late home is it? He is meant to be helping you afterall not causing you more problems," she said as she ushered me into a seat and set a large plate of food infront of me.

"Thanks mum," I said as I made to try and eat some of it. I have to give it to my mum she really is the best cook. Freddie and I said it was the only thing we missed about living at home the cooking and our washing being done.

"What kept you so late tonight?" mum asked joining me at the table with a cup of tea.

"Just working on a few things for the shop," I said. I really didn't want to talk about Angelina even thinking about it sent white hot anger through my body.

I eat as much of the food on the plate as I can because I know it will help settle her mind and make what I am going to say to her a little easier for her to take. "Mum?" I venture.

"Yes dear?" she asked smiling a little as she looks at my plate.

"I think it's time I moved back home," I said.

Mum froze looking at me. "I'm not sure that is the best idea love," she said carefully. I know what she is avoiding saying. I try not to get angry. I know this is hard for my mum too but I don't know how much more of this I can stand.

"I know you don't think it is the best idea because it's where Fred and I lived but that is no different from here. Fred and I lived here a lot longer than we lived in our new place," I said sadly.

"I know but here we can look after you love. I can look after you and you need it George. I know you are trying but you really are sick. You have bags under your eyes you are far too thin and tired and I know the grief that you are still working through. Don't you think it would be best if you stayed here with your family like we spoke about so we can help each other through this?" she asked almost desperately.

"I think I need to move back to my flat mum. I am not saying I don't want your help but I think I need to start trying to live again. The only way I can try to do that is if I move back home," I said quietly to her.

"Oh George I don't know I..." she wrung her hands uncertainly.

"I think he's right dear," dad said quietly at the door. I looked up meeting his eye in silent gratitude I knew he would help talk mum round more later.

"Well when would you be thinking of moving back out. How can we be certain that you are ready George?" mum fussed.

"I think George knows best when he is ready. I also think the fact that he has told us he wants to move back home tells us he is ready," dad said placing a calming hand on mum's shoulder.

"I'm thinking I'll move back in tomorrow," I answered. I didn't see the point in putting it off any longer.

"Tomorrow?" mum shrieked.

"Molly!" dad warned.

"No Arthur we cannot just allow him to just off and leave so suddenly it is foolishness he is not thinking clearly we cannot allow it," she said urgently.

"We can and will allow it Molly. George is old enough to make his own decisions and I think in this case he is right. I think moving back home may be the best thing for him," he reasoned.

"Mum we spoke about this. You knew I wanted to move back home, remember?" I pointed out.

"Oh I know I just I want to protect you. I worry about you," she said pulling me into a tearful hug.

"I know mum and you have been great. I just... like dad said I just know this is something I need to do," I said quietly to her.

For the first time in a long it was like I was starting to think clearly and I really did know what I needed to do. When I got into work in the morning I raised my wand dumping the pile of books I'd bought to research the obilviate charm into the bin.

I could never forget Freddie it was too cold and cruel and he deserved more than that. I owed him too much to do that to him. I gave his hand a squeeze again before I let Ron into the store. "Surely today can go better than yesterday," I said as I again began to show him the ropes. I suggested that he should perhaps watch me work then try to mirror it. I needed him to be able to run the front store so I could focus on keeping the shop fully stocked

I also needed to work on some new products for the shop. Freddie and I had made a business and I owed it to him and to me to make sure it continued to be a success. I also knew I had to keep it being as much fun as we had running the store afterall we believed that was what drove a lot of the success of the store, giving people a laugh when they needed it most.


	6. Chapter 6

**Epilogue**

**This is the final chapter I hope you have enjoyed this. Can you please leave me a review and let me know what you think of this it would really mean a lot to me and I would really appreciate it. Thank you!**

**Disclaimer**

**I still own nothing.**

It took forever to get out of the burrow and back home. It was after many reassurances and tearful bone crushing hugs that I was at last able to leave. I began to think I would never get home because I wasn't really feeling as confident as I had to make out to her I was so that she would let me go. My dad seemed to sense that as at last he told mum to let me go. I was at last allowed to go after promising that I would visit a lot.

I took a few deep breaths before going into my room to dump my stuff. I couldn't quite find the energy to unpack. I wondered aimlessly round the flat not really sure what I wanted to do. It didn't feel right being here without Freddie yet somehow I knew it was where I needed to be.

"Freddie? I'm really trying here Freddie. Why wont you answer me? Why wont you tell me where you are that you are okay? Anything Freddie?" I asked. I don't know why I was bothering. He never answered me but I couldn't give up on him.

I can't help thinking it is because he is angry with me because I left him alone. I should never have left him. I should have been with him. I should have been with him when he died. "I'm sorry Freddie," I whispered.

My mind flashed back to the conversation Freddie and I had with my mum in the burrow before our fifth year. We had laughed taking the whole thing as a joke having no idea just how serious it would become. Those words from Freddie haunt my dreams.

_If the Hogwarts Express crashed tomorrow, and Fred and I died, how would you feel to know that the last thing we ever heard from you was an unfounded accusation?"_

My mind dragged me back to the last conversation Freddie and I had.

"_You okay Freddie?" I asked. I was terrified about this war it was starting to become real that something could happen to one of us I couldn't stand the thought._

"_I'm fine Georgie. You okay?" he asked he seemed to sense something was bothering me. He had been trying to get me to talk about it for weeks but I couldn't. Talking about it seemed too scary like it would make it all the more real._

"_Yeah I'm okay..." I said carefully though I moved a little closer to him as another explosion echoed through the castle._

"_Georgie ?" he asked meeting my eyes silently telling me to tell him._

"_I'm scared something is going to happen to us," I said quietly._

"_Me too Georgie but we'll be okay," he said softly as he clapped my back._

"_How do you know that Freddie? This is serious. People are dying. What if something happens to us or to you?" I asked urgently._

"_I know Georgie. I don't know that nothing is going to happen to us but we know we need to do this I'll see you soon George. Be careful! Love you!" he answered._

"_I love you too you be careful!" I answered. We hugged tightly before we finally parted promising we'd see each other soon when this was all over._

I move quickly towards the room we used as our study. We kept all the things we needed for the shop in there. I pulled some paper and a quill out and sat down at the desk and started writing. Once I started I wasn't able to stop. Everything that I needed to say to Freddie came pouring out. I only paused to wipe away enough of my tears to allow me to continue writing. Somehow it felt easier to write everything I needed to say to him down. When I finished I folded the letter up and left it in his room for him shutting the door behind me again. Maybe I was finally cracking up but somehow it felt right.

I set to work that night on the line of explosive crisps we had been working on. It was hard doing this without Freddie this was something we did together. I had to do this for Freddie. I couldn't let our business fail. I had to find the fun in this again.

I worked late into the night trying to develop the crisps. I still wasn't quite there yet but I would get there. I was determined to continue working on this until I got them right.

I was exhausted as I raised my wand to lock the shop it had been non stop all day. The crisps were a huge success. The extra loud crunch and literal fire breathing chilli ones proved to be the most popular. Seems Freddie was right again. I could nearly hear him saying I told you so. Almost but not quite not that I stopped hoping for it.

I pulled my cloak tighter round me as I sat on the ground. "Hey Freddie," I whispered to him I pulled a packet of each of the new flavours of crisps launched in the shop and sat them on the grave. "Seems you were right again Freddie," I said quietly. I waited again for an answer but again none came.

I don't know how long I sat there for before I eventually got to my feet. "I am trying Freddie. I love you and I miss you. I don't know how to live without you but I will try...for you" I was just turning to go but I stopped at the last second. "Bye Freddie," I whispered before walking away.


End file.
